My journey in music began in 7th grade as I took a seat in the band room for the very first time excited and anxious, expecting just to have fun. The band teacher began to explain what the band course would entail, the instruments, practices, and concert dates. He brought out all the instruments to allow the students to explore and choose what we would like to play and we all were awed and curious as to what the strange instruments were. I didn’t want to play anything difficult, which encouraged me to play the clarinet because it seemed easy. Little did I know that I would have challenged myself to go beyond what was expected from an amateur musician. Along my peer clarinet players, we play with intentions of getting better and playing through our mistakes learning from them. Beginning to learn how to play the clarinet, I thought I was only going to learn how to make sounds with the instrument. I didn’t know that learning an instrument would come with so much more. We had to first learn about all the other instruments and their positions in the band. For example, we learned that most of the lower sounding instruments are the foundation of the band while the higher sounding instruments were like spices that should not overpower the brass instruments. At first, I could care less about this, I just wanted to start playing. But, I came to learn how important team work really is in the band because if one person sticks out, the whole band could be negatively affected. Finally, after a few weeks into learning how to read notes and the different instruments, we were assigned our own clarinets. The very first thing we were was setting up our clarinets, which was like putting a puzzle together. It was a challenge putting the different bodies of the clarinet together as well as the reed onto the mouthpiece. After setting it up, I was one step close to actually playing it. “SQUUEAAK!” Flooded with frustration, I could never avoid the shrieking of the clarinet. I would always blame the instrument for my squeaking, however, I learned that it was the shape of my mouth and the amount of force I put onto the mouthpiece that would cause the instrument to produce the high pitch noise. Learning how to properly form my mouth came with patience. The more I practiced, the less I squeaked. Despite knowing what sound I wanted the clarinet to play, the perfect sounds would never sound. Although it was frustrating at times when I couldn’t play a whole song without squeaking or flubbing some notes, this taught me how rewarding it is to finally play a piece without mistakes. From slow progress of improvement and more exposure to what the band has to offer, I came to love how much variation of pieces could be played by the clarinet. There were fast and slow pieces, pop songs, jazz songs, and classical music that could be done with the clarinet. I especially loved songs that required low notes. The deep and low tones of the clarinet were soothing and fun to play, even though it could barely be heard. All of the band members hard work was showcased at our first ever concert. Although it was not a very impressive sounding performance, we all left the stage without regrets knowing how far, from knowing nothing about playing an instrument to playing a song without stopping, we have gone. In my middle school’s cafeteria seated around the band director, we’re in our band uniforms and performing our first ever concert, stirring up the little musician in us. In 8th grade, my teacher saw my persistence in how much I practiced, leading him to suggest that I audition for the Hawaii Youth Symphony, an orchestra group that brings together students from around the islands of Hawaii to play together, to expand my experience. It was very challenging and intimidating to think of auditioning because I would be competing against hundreds of clarinets for only five seats in the symphony. Because this was going to be my first time doing auditions for a professional orchestra only with one year of experience with playing the clarinet, I was very anxious. I practiced every minute I was free; working endlessly to reach the high notes that I once thought was impossible for a clarinet to even play and until my lips were tired. Despite my best efforts, I sadly was rejected. From not being accepted, I then overanalyzed every little thing to try to figure out why I failed by asking myself, “did I take a too long of a breath?” or “was it because I didn’t start right when the facilitator told me to start?” I questioned my abilities and dreaded over this audition causing me to become discouraged to think that I could do any better in the future and attempt another one. The notion that I lacked the skills stuck with me making me afraid to ever again challenge myself. I would think what the use of practicing was if anyway, I would fail and the time I spent would go to waste. Not only did this affect my pride in music, but it affected my confidence in what I did other than music. Nonetheless, I took private clarinet lessons because my mother believed that I would be able to make improve from continuing to learn; I am thankful that my mother kept me in music because in freshman year of high school, I was introduced to Solo and Ensemble by my private lessons teacher. Solo and Ensemble is a performance that individuals can do in front of judges and are rated and commented on for their solos. Just knowing that I would be performing a solo was intimidating. Due to my past experience of what I thought was a big failure, I was reluctant to try. I thought I would do so horribly, but with the support of my band director and my private lessons teacher, I was somewhat encouraged to give it a shot. This led me to practice harder than I did for the Hawaii Youth Symphony in order to not let the people who supported me down. Finally, it was the day of my performance; my palms were sweating, my lips were dry and cracking, and I was shivering nervously waiting in the cold practice room. Before going into the room we were assigned a practice area to warm up and do last minute testing of our instruments. In the room alone, I tried to calm myself down and warm myself up, then it was time to showcase my solo. Unexpectedly, I received a high score and obtained a silver medal. From this experience, I came to realize that maybe challenging myself despite having failed before, was not bad after all. It was also the motivation from my teachers that I began to want to grow in music by doing more auditions and of these types of performances. Dressed in a black dress, I am standing clutching onto my clarinet with both hands across my chest, nervously trying to emulate confidence. Through this experience, I was determined to re-audition for the Hawaii Youth Symphony. Learning how much hard work can pay off from practicing for the Solo and ensemble, I practiced long hours for the audition. However, there were times when I again doubted my abilities thinking back on my first audition. I kept thinking “who am I to even think that I have a chance to be accepted?” There was this little voice that was preventing me from getting out of my comfort zone and auditioning, but I continued to practice more and more until I became tired of playing physically and mentally. Because the audition piece tested endurance and fingering skills, along with learning how to emotionally play the piece, I also learned new clarinet fingering skills and new notes. This allowed me to increase my octaves and skills in articulation in fingering. The day of the audition quickly came; I went to where the audition was being held and signed in. I stepped into the auditioning room and played to the best of abilities; adding extra crescendos and exaggerating the articulations, causing me to dance with the music I was playing. I left the room almost breathless and without any regrets. From this moment, I knew that I was more impressed of how much I improved and could than I would have been receiving an acceptance letter. After a few weeks, I received the acceptance letter. Finally, I was able to see that hard work does really pay off and that confidence is key. I was exhilarated and overjoyed that I could not help but jump up and down swaying the letter in front of my dad. With the sunlight shining down on us, all the members of the Hawaii Youth Symphony were sitting with our white collar top and black slack uniforms and instruments on the stage waiting anxiously to start our very first concert of the season. From then on, I continued to work hard not allowing my past failures get in the way of putting my best efforts into trying to improve and grow in “fluency” in music. I knew that one way to test whether or not I have improved was to challenge myself and participate in more auditions. I would always remind myself that hard work will pay off someday even if I don’t obtain an immediate reward. Thus, I auditioned and was accepted into the Oahu Band Director Association (OBDA) Select Band my senior year of high school. Performing with the OBDA increased my knowledge of music. Beforehand, I thought slow songs were the easiest to play because I did not have to worry about how fast to move my fingers or how fast I would have to articulate. However, we had to perform a really slow and intense piece leading me to conclude that playing slow songs are harder than speedy ones, which is due to needing to pay attention to intonation and breathing every beat of the song. By the end of our performance, I was satisfied knowing that I was able to get somewhere, from middle school, failing the audition to here, with new and improved skills playing with a group of professional musicians. With my friends, Chris on my right and Nicole on my left, I cannot help but smile with relief that I pulled through the concert and delight that my friends were there supporting me. I know I have not completely succeeded for there will always be something I could improve. However, I was able to really refine my tone, increase how much octaves I can play, train my finger muscles to be quick, and so much more. I continue to practice growing in “fluency” in music by playing the clarinet during my free time as well as playing for my church. From 7th grade, my first year in band, to the present, I have not only grown as a musician, but also into a more confident and optimistic person. I learned that the world and people will attack me with struggles and doubt that will cause me to fail and it is only by attempting to challenge that, despite being doubtful of my abilities, there will always be a way to overcome them. I learned that there is always room for improvement only if I allow myself to improve by taking on challenges and not being afraid of them. Growing up with these past music experiences, I look at trials, and any other struggles, I face with joy because I know that they will not weaken my ability to play, rather it will build me up as a more refined musician and a more confident person. At my last high school concert hugging my mom proudly with triumph and satisfaction of knowing I have grown as a musician.
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